OK, it's been exactly one month since my last update. There have been a lot of diet changes since my last post. So, for the past seven months I had been losing weight consistently because of the Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous program (FA). About two weeks ago (maybe a little less than) I started to think I needed to learn how to manage my weight. There's no question that FA was a wonderful stepping stone and a great mentor for my weight loss, but I needed to know if I could "do this on my own." What I mean is, could I manage to not get fat again? Could I manage the binges, avoid processed sugar and hinder food thoughts. So, here I am, two weeks later after leaving FA, seven pounds heavier. I've talked to my family physician and a dietician. Weight gain after a severe diet change is common. I was told to prepare myself for up to ten pounds (seven pounds is horrifying)! I usually a 1,500 calories a day, give or take about 20. I've started weight training and toning, paired with much cardio. There are days when I feel like I'm eating too much (even though I eat mostly fruits and vegetables) and there are days when I think I don't eat enough. I've been told I should be eating around 2,000. Then someone else said between 1,300 and 1,500. Someone said women should never eat less than 1,200 (on the FA program I ate between 900 and 1,100 a day).
Can you tell that I'm confused? I'm totally over my head. But people live healthy, active lives everyday. Why can't I?
I had been doing great monitoring my flour intake, making sure it was always whole-wheat. I hadn't touched processed sugar...until last night at my friend's college graduation party which was held at Joshua's Tavern in Brunswick, Maine. Before me sprawled numerous kinds of pizza, fried foods in those little red plastic baskets - you know the kind - and cake with what I could tell was my favorite kind of frosting. I had packed my dinner. Which I ate in addition to three slices of loaded veggie pizza, two pieces of homemade chocolate cake, washed down by a mudslide. My caloric intake rocked to over 2,100 calories. That's just an extremely safe estimate. I know it's more. I was in physical pain. I wanted to put all the food back, start to evening over, make the right decision. I could feel my expanded stomach behind my ribs. It was the first time in seven months that I wanted to unbutton my pants because of I had eaten.
Of course I jumped on the scale this morning to see the damage: 4.5 pounds since yesterday. When I left FA I was a solid 175, now I'm 181 pounds. This is like a nightmare.
For the time being, I'm eliminating my morning and mid-afternoon snack and just sticking to three meals a day. I'm being more mindful of my flour intake and avoiding added sugar all together. I'm trying desperately to not become discouraged. I mean, I've still technically lost 79 lbs since June of 2011.
I'm terrified of becoming fat again. It's not an option. It's true what "they" say, maintaining your weight it harder than losing it. I have 16 pounds to lose before I reach my goal (the other day I had 12lbs to go). Yes, it's upsetting. Yes, I'm mad at myself for making such poor decisions. Yes, I will keep going. Yes, I will reach my goal. Yes, I will live a healthy life. Maybe someday I'll be able to enjoy a slice of pizza or a piece of cake without binging. Maybe I won't. Today I'm focusing on today. The best I can anyway.
I'm ready to see the number on the scale start to recede.
I promise to keep you posted. I'll let you know on weigh in day (Sunday) what the verdict is. Also, next Monday I see my dietician for the first time. I spoke with her on the phone the other day. I need to know that I will lose this weight.
I'm sorry this hasn't been my usual optimist post about weight loss success, etc. This has been a huge eye opening experience for me. Although FA was by no means easy, it's much harder to gain weight than it is to avoid flour and sugar. I can confidently say that.
If anyone has advice or words of encouragement, I would love to hear 'em!
